Lately, Ive been running into old friends, and hearing about new relationships and engagements and marriages. A couple weeks ago, Nathan and I went to Petes, and I ran into a girl I worked with at the school. When I worked there, she and her boyfriend hoped to be engaged soon. Since he was in another state, she and I always related to each other about the long distance thing. After I quit working there, I heard thru the grapevine that she got engaged, right about the same time me and my boyfriend broke up. I havent talked to her since then because happy couples werent really anything I wanted to do with... Well, I ran into her at Petes, and it took he a minute to recognize me. But the first thing out of her mouth was OMG! Are you engaged yet?! Uh... not exactly... Heres the NEW man though! Haha

 

Around that same time, another girl I worked with started texting me again. Britini and I were the best of friends back then! We did everything together- taught our classes together, went shopping in the evenings, did all of our Christmas shopping together, went to football games together, out to eat sometimes, and fell in love with the scrapbook store! She and her boyfriend were talking about marriage, and since me and my boyfriend at the time were talking about the same thing, it quickly took over every conversation she and I had. I realized I was comparing our relationships with our boyfriends and that wasnt healthy at all. At Christmas time, when I knew things were ending with my relationship, she called and told me her boyfriend proposed to her. I cried for days. I was sooo happy for her, but so jealous at the same time! Here we had planned on getting married in the same month of the same year and doing all of our wedding stuff together, and as her dream was coming true, mine was shattering. When I found out she was hanging out with the OTHER girl who pretty much destroyed my trust in the human race altogether, I stopped talking to her completely. I felt betrayed by 2 of my closest friends in my biggest time of need. I heard both of these girls got in a car wreck, and one of them moved, and they both quit their jobs, but thats all I knew...

 

Two weeks ago, I got a text from Britini. She was really nice to me, asked how I was, seemed interested in what I was up to, and I think I was pretty short with her. I didnt understand why she was acting like she and I were friends again after she (what I felt like) took the enemys side... Girls, I know. The conversation ended when I quit answering her questions, feeling like she had no business knowing what was going on with me. Every day since then, Ive thought about her. Ive been reading a book about forgiveness, and wondering if I had not forgiven her for everything that happened nearly 8 months ago. Maybe there were things I did that hurt her. Maybe she felt like I left her. Maybe she was being the bigger person and trying to reach out to me, and I was being cold and unresponsive. Maybe my resentment for her happiness was still there. Ive wondered if maybe, we just need to talk, and get misunderstandings out of the way. Maybe there is a friendship that can be saved! On the other hand, maybe we needed to talk, resolve issues, and go our separate ways. I decided today that I should find out what the right thing to do was, and the first step was to reach out to her like she did 2 weeks ago. I texted her and asked her how she was. She responded and asked me the same. She told me she was glad I was happy, and I asked if she and Steven had planned a wedding date yet. Her reply "Next weekend." And I started crying. I texted her back and told her I was sorry for missing everything. I was supposed to help her plan everything, pick colors, throw the bachelorette party, help find the perfect place. And instead, I missed everything. She told me she would love it if I came to the wedding, and I told her I would be there.

 

It was really great of her to invite me to her wedding. Its the biggest, most imprtant day in a girls life, and she wants me there. That means something... Its possible that what we had was a friendship for a season. Or we could be friends on some level for a long time. But either way, I think that when we see each other, a lot of harsh feelings will melt away and some healing will take place.

Make sure you see your new apartment before you move in.

 

Be sure to throw a fit when it doesn't look right.

 

Don't make a Mexican joke in Texas while your front door is open.

 

Ropes will not keep us out of the Botanical Gardens. But feisty rent-a-cops will.

 

Chinese restaurants should NEVER serve dog with their egg rolls.

 

Driving ranges that don't supply drivers are pointless.

 

Mexicans will get a 400 pound desk up 3 flights of stairs in one piece. Redheads will break it on the way to the bedroom.

 

Don't drive on the side of a steep slope when you have coffee in your hands.

 

Pawn shops are my heroes.

 

If you miss the 161 exit, Nathan is guaranteed to accidentally end up at the airport.

 

Moving couches up 3 flights of stairs is definitely one of the hardest things Ive ever done.

 

Deep Ellum is dead.

 

A convulsing turtle is a sick turtle.

 

The Chic-Fil-A by my new place needs to use salt on their fries.

 

I hate my dining room chairs.

 

They actually make tea-light candles that smell good!

 

Ill buy a toaster at a thrift store, but not a coffee pot.

 

There's a place in Dallas with million dollar houses, and when you drive all the way thru it, you are in Tijuana.

 

Storms make me a little crazy. *evil grin*

 

Chocolate chip shakes are no good frozen.

 

Its too hot in Texas to go to the zoo.

 

Mustard yellow walls scare me.

 

I will forever associate FedEx trucks with fireworks.

 

Crying is healing, no matter what its about.

Old country songs bring back better memories than newer country songs.

 

Apparently, Im cute when Im angry.

 

You don't need a hammer when you have a measuring cup that puts holes in the walls just as easily.

 

I tried to eat a chicken burrito. I just cant do it.

 

 

 

Yesterday, a friend of mine sent me an email he got from someone who called himself a prophet. This man apparently didnt like some of the things that my friend had on his myspace page. True, some of it may strike people as odd, but because he is an artist, and so he expresses his feelings, emotion, and artistic ideas in different ways. My friend forwarded me this email and my response to the prophet was a bit harsh maybe

 

"Tell that guy that the Word also talks about being judgmental and he can start throwing stones when he doesnt need Gods grace to get thru a day like the rest of us. And since when do Gods prophets go around on myspace criticising people for expressing themselves and their daily journey thru life? And we are not called to be "interdependent" on anyone who doesnt know a thing about you but can judge you based on personal writing of your own, which is not Bible- its thoughts, its questions, its a quest, and until he figures out all the secrets to real life and real living, you can tell him I said to shove it. "

 

My friend laughed, as I guess it was humorous, but it made me start thinking about judgment. My friend told me that close friends should be able to speak in your life and help you see if youre doing something wrong. On the other hand, I know that too many of us run around like little holy spirits trying to tell everyone whats wrong with everyone and how they are so much better and further along in their walk and thats not right. Besides, this prophet was NOT a close friend of my friends, so how can he come along and pass judgment as if he never said a provocative word in his life. His manner was stone cold and hateful, and I know that God is just the opposite. SO if God really did sent hat guy to confront my friend, then that guy would have done so in a loving manner to reflect the love that he MUST have, you know, being so close to God. And I dont think it was a good idea to mention like 3 times that he was a prophet either. Besides that, I think that if my friends heart was in the wrong place, he has many strong, spiritually mature friends who would have more of a reason to confront him of his sin.

 

The plain simple fact is, were all sinners, were all growing, were all changing, and we all need Gods grace to be a little better everyday. As I was contemplating all this yesterday, I started thinking about all the people who come in my life and tell me what all Im doing wrong, how I need to fix it, and how disappointed in me they have been for something Most of the time, I reject any kind of criticism, correction, or judgment unless it comes directly from God But what about people? Why am I so closed off when people try to talk to me about something? Who have I ever let teach and correct me? John, and Pastor Adam. I think those are the only two men I have ever completely respected, admired, and trusted enough to listen to.

 

So what is the difference between all the people who criticize me, and the two men who corrected me. It was their lifestyles and their hearts that I respected so much. Even though I havent talked to either one of them in awhile, if either one of them called me today and said, "Look, Aut, I see an issue you may want to start dealing with because its not a healthy direction for your life"... Id listen, and heed their words, even if Ive heard them from a hundred other people before.

 

That made me think a little more about my own lifestyle. There are a LOT of people who come to me when something is wrong, they need encouragement, theyre going thru a rough time, or they just need a friend. I used to be REALLY judgmental towards people, and thought "well, if you had done the right thing in the first place, then you wouldnt be in this pickle, would you?" I never understood how people could get themselves in the most awful situations and then expect help to get out of them... Until I placed myself in the EXACT same situations over and over and over. And every time Ive gone thru something like that, I have been reminded of someone I knew who came to me some time ago, and I suddenly understood. Over the last 5 years, Ive gotten myself in some really awkward, inappropriate, terrible situations, and I never realized what I was doing til I got right in the middle of it. Then I snapped, realized I had to fix it, and began the long journey of healing from a bad situation.

 

Because of this, Ive gone probably the last year or so not caring a single bit what anyone does. "Its whatever" has been my most popular phrase. But its not whatever. Theres a balance. Nathan tells me all the time that you dont know what decision you would make unless you were in the situation yourself.  So no, I shouldnt judge people for the decisions they make, because the past has shown me that in the same situation, I have made some of the very same poor decisions...  But I should be strong enough to make the right ones myself. Im learning more and more to not be judgmental, but to embrace my friends with love, even when they get themselves in a bad place- because someone else did the same thing for me, and they changed my life in ways people will never understand. I want to be the John and Pastor Adam to other people. I want to be one of the people that other people respect enough to let me speak into their lives. I dont want to be the judgmental, stone cold prophet who makes other people scared to be around Christians...

Ive said before that I dont think theres such a thing as real closure. I think that means more than the statement itself, and I think its even more true as time goes by. We were on the boat last weekend, and I was talking to Warren about his divorce. He was married once years ago, and I asked him how long it took him to get over it. He told me you never get over things that impacted your life deeply or dramatically; you just learn to deal with it. Often, something happens to me that triggers an old memory, and I react to it emotionally or else Ill completely shut down til I deal with it. Ive thought time and time again that if I dealt with something once, then it should never come up again. Thats not how it goes. I can be healed of the hurt over time, but that doesnt mean Ill never remember it or not have to  be strong enough to never overcome such a thing again.

 

For example, I found out recently that my dad declared bankruptcy and is losing the house. To him, that house we all built was his pride and joy. It was the fruit of his labor for years and years and YEARS. Though he is one of the most hateful people on the planet, I wont deny that he was a very hard worker. I always thought that he would lose everything important to him one day, and I thought my reaction would be, "Good! About time, you bastard! You finally got what you deserved! Now look forward to your precious wife leaving you since you cant provide her with pretty little things, and get ready to live a miserable life, since God knows your kids want nothing to do with you!" A lot of people have been looking forward to the day he would lose it all and fall on his face- as if that was him paying for what he put me and my brother thru. I hated him for years, and forgiving him was the hardest thing I ever had to do. With that forgiveness came a new attitude- I actually cried for him yesterday. I know what its like to have everything taken away. He took it ALL from me- a home, a family, security, college money, education (by throwing away any and all proof I was homeschooled for 6 years), support, and love. But instead of feeling empowered by it, I was heartbroken for him.

 

The things Drew and I went thru are things that shape and mold us into who we are and will be. Even though all that mess is over with and has been for years, it still comes up. I still cry about it. I still pray about it. I still remember things that bring up bitterness or negative emotion in me that I have to deal with. That whole relationship will never have closure. I continue to heal with time, and I continue to let God patch up my heart. I will continue to renew old mindsets as I see how wrong they are, and I constantly learn new things because of the experiences I had back then but its something Ill never get over as people tell me to... 

 

Maybe closure doesnt have to mean getting over it as if it never affected you. Maybe true closure is being able to deal with the way things end up and being ok with living life without the person that messed you up in the first place. Maybe its taking all you can from the experience and squeezing as many lessons out as possible so that the next experience is easier to deal with. Closure doesnt mean youll never have to handle a related issue again for the rest of your life- its dealing with it and continuing a journey a bit wiser.

Ive been pretty irritable today. The stupidest things are happening, and its almost the rediculous-ness of the thing thats happening thats driving me crazy. First of all, my entire face hurts. Bad. It has staged a coup and decided to all break out in about 15 different places, forcing me to gob on medicine like no ones business. Not only does that crap smell bad, but it freaking stings. Im reminded of a Family Guy where Chris gets a big pimple and names it Doug. And Doug goes crazy making Chris get into trouble. The episode nears its end when Doug (the pimple turned pimp) pulls out a shotgun and turns agains Chris. Chris however, grabs the shot needle out of the doctors hand and stabs Doug with it before he gets anymore out of hand. *phew* Anyway, thats what I feel like... only times 10...

Then, since I was running late to work, as usual, I thought Id just put on my makeup in the car in the parking lot when I got there. Dumb. Cuz Im wearing white pants and the AC was on. Powder went stinking everywhere. And I havent even been wearing any makeup cuz Ive been trying to help my face breathe! But it looked so awful today that I didnt have a choice! And since its summer time, and Im tan, I had my darker powder... All over my white pants... And all over my purple shirt. Even worse than that, I wore my glasses today instead of my contacts, so I took them off to put on my makeup and didnt realize taht the powder had gotten all over my purse as well. By the time I put my glasses back on and carried my purse into work, there was more powder all over me.

Once I finally got in here, I decided to forget the healthy green tea... I need coffee. So I threw everything down in my office, turned on my light, and plugged in my heater. (Side note: Even though its a hundred degrees outside, if Im upset about something, I need warmth, so yes, my heater has been on all day) As I walked back out of my office to get my coffee, my flourescent light started flickering. That was going to get annoying real quick. So I hit it. It flickered more. By the time I got my coffee, the whole thing went out. Im working in a cave today....

Since its near the end of the quarter, Ive been busting my rear trying to get invoicing done the last few days, and I wasnt sure I should even leave for lunch today. Elana said I should, and being the submissive "daughter" I am, I went. I need some good theme ideas for my apt, so I stopped my Ross and TJ Maxx. I almost wish I didnt go because I was so on-edge when I got there, that the last thing I wanted to do was fight other women for space down an aisle. So I decided taht if there was already someone on an aisle, Id skip it, go to the next one, and hit it on my way back, thus avoiding people in general. The only thing was, THEY were on all the aisles I wanted to go down. They werent moving out of the way. And they werent paying any attention to the fact that I wanted to look around too! I ended up only browsing a few aisles, getting frustrated, and so I decided to feed my Chic Fil A addiction.

Well, that sucked too, because it happened to be the longest line I ever had to sit thru, my Angels and Airwaves cd wouldnt play, I was still brushing powder off my clothes, and I was about out of gas. Almost an our later (slight exaggeration here) I ordered my meal, and prayed I was getting the actual meal I was paying for. When I left the parking lot, I glanced in the bag, and saw that it was good.

At the gas station, where I spent my life savings, I also cleaned out my car, and pushed "HELL NO I CANT AFFORD A CAR WASH BECAUSE GAS PRICES ARE TOO HIGH" button. I was going to squeegee my windshield, but I was scared Id have to pay for that too. One empty bank account later, I got back in my car and realized with horror that I had left my newly developed pics of me and Nathan in the car overnight!!! And in this heat?! I should have taken them in my office! ...not that its much cooler in there, but at least Id feel better about it!!! I nearly nose-dived into myback seat to rescue them, and held them up to the AC set on high  for a minute.... as powder re-filled the air. God....

Back at the office, I sighed with more frustration. I must really be out of my routine or something. Usully, I turn off my heater before I leave for lunch. Then when I get BACK from lunch, I open up the AC vent ever so slightly to let a bit of cool air in here. Well, I forgot, so as the sun baked my office, the heater did so, as well... I was forced to open my AC vent to its full capacity.

I threw everything I was working on to the side, so I culd enjoy my #5 combo with lemonade. Once again, I clenched my teeth as I opened my nuggets.An EIGHT pack does NOT mean less than EIGHT! It means "at least EIGHT unless youre feeling generous and then its EIGHT OR MORE!!!" EIGHT pack does not mean around EIGHT, ok! It means EIGHT. Thats why it has its own number! Because nothing else is equal to it but itself!!!! And why the hell did you give me extra sauce if I dont even have enough chicken to dip in it?! You think I need 2 packs of buffalo sauce and 2 packs of barbeque for a SEVEN pack?! Think again, my un-educated Chic Fil A servers.

As if that werent enough, I spilled the sauce on me, and I wrote on my clothes with a pen. All I want in the whole whole world right now is a hot air balloon.

Every once in awhile I like to go back in maturity a few years and throw my cares away by pretending they dont exist. Last night was one of those times. I had so much on my mind that I didnt want to think about any of it. The best thing to do at such a time is make a Wal-Mart run. Amber and I dropped off my pictres to get developed first and headed back up front to pick up our favorite Wally World dinner- Fresh Hot French Bread and Mountain Dew. Its been a tradition with us for as long as we've gone grocery shopping together.

I pulled the cart behind me as I held the loaf under my other arm, and slipped over to the Home and Garden Center. Ive been looking for some patio furniture, but Im not in the least bit interested in spending $200+ for something thats going to sit out and rust, fade, and try to withstand thunderstorms. I did find a grand little set of 2 rocking chairs and a table- but decided against it. How about a white rocking bench for $100? Or the black iron swing for $69? Yes. Perfect. (Anyone have a truck I might could borrow??) I sat in the $200 set to eat my bread and Mountain Dew and then we headed over to the toy section.

Actually, we planned on just passing thru til a green hoola hoop caught my eye. Am took it a bit seriously- that hoola. I, however, bit my lip, and swayed back and forth naturally.... If we only had a camera... with batteries. I added it to my 'To Buy" pile.

Next, Home Furnishings. After deciding that I needed a plunger and a matching kitchen set, Am let me know sternly that as soon as I leave, shes re-doing my bathroom in ducks... I dont understand why you would want to associate cute little ducks with a potty break, but she pointed out that my Paris theme was DEFINATLEY something she didnt want to associate with poddy breaks. She was rather convincing that ducks would be a better choice. However, I just bought a Paris shower curtain, so Im just going to have to use it.

How about a wine theme for the kitchen? She shook her head in disapproval. Coffee? Fine, but heaven forbid I pick things that didnt match to perfection. Oh, like our current Rooster theme matches... Ok, ok, seriously, I dont care that we have a Rooster theme in the kitchen. I did, however, care when we had a Rooser/Garfield theme. I just didnt see how they went together. These days, Garfield belongs on his shelves above the couch. Hes no longer allowed in the kitchen in the form of keychains, ornaments, or stove covers. Our kitchen is now in one accord with the Naturally Raised Farm Roosters.

Curtains! .......or veils to hide behind... I could go for soft green or deep red. Rawr. Or the Wanna-Be 70's courderoy curtains to block the cold outside air from my chilly lonely apartment........ I recall her rolling her eyes and then moving right along.

You know those chairs that you fold up and put in a little bag to throw over your shoulder? Perfect for going to picnics, outside rendezvous, and fireworks displays? They are retarded, and completely uncomfortable. So. I found one that was TWICE as expensive, but TWICE as big with TWICE the comfort. I unfolded the blue one with fireworks (oh, the irony) and curled up on it to see if it gave me enough security to be able to sit and write in it. Yes. Yes it did. So I found a green bag with a green chair inside, hiked it over my shoulder, and parked it right under the Hoola.

My actual grocery shopping took about 10 minutes, so we had an idea. We have HBO On Demand at the house, so we often watch the series of a show all the way thru for a few weeks and sit on edge wating for the new episodes to be added. I have been a faithful Sex in the City fanatic since I discovered season 2, and now Im up to season 6. Am and I finished the episodes available the other day, but we were itching to know what in the world happened to Burger?! Did he REALLY just break up with Carrie thru a POST IT NOTE??? Can a guy REALLY be that heartless? Most of the time, when Carrie breaks up with a guy, she goes back to Big, and since he made a recent appearance at the beginning of the season, we were curious. Will Miranda get back with Steve and make sure Debbie never returns as a special guest? Will Charlotte marry her short, fat, bald Harry who she completely adores? Will Samantha be the luckiest whore and end up with Smith Jerrod "The Ultimate Hunk"?!! Will Sanford and Paul break up?! Oh, the suspense! So we went to Blockbuster and rented the next two dvd's. We just cant wait on HBO anymore.

Back at home, the groceries were quickly unpacked. I feel that my mid-section is getting a bit chunky, so before we feasted on hotwings and soda, we put in our Ana Caban Pilates DVD. Here were two unfit girls grunting and complaining, while Azz ran back and forth between us. Usually, when were on the floor, we want to play with her, so she was a bit confused that we didnt take the wood/rock from her mouth and toss it across the room. We got most of our work out from laughing, and the Pilates video only stayed on for about 10 minutes.

As it was time for our TV marathon to begin, I unfolded my new $17 green chair in the living room, curled up with a blanket, and solved a couple of mysteries with my Sex in the City crew. Yes, Burger was that big of a jerk. Miranda shocked us with falling for a big black doctor for the Mets. Charlotte did marry her hairy Jew. Carrie had a quick fling and then fell for her high school boyfriend who was now admitted to an insane asylum. Samantha is still unsure of her young Ultimate Hunk. And Big did not make the appearance we were expecting. Five episodes and a fuill belly later, we headed to bed...

...season to be completed Thursday.....

Lifes a funny, unfair journey. One day, youre completely miserable. You remember the days when you used to be happy, and pray to God that you can be you again, but you just dont see how it could ever happen. You build up walls of bitterness, hatred, and unforgiveness. You hate the world and all the people who treated you like crap. You make acquaintences but let them know up front and bluntly that they better not try to get close to you cuz youre a fortress these days! You go and go and go to keep your mind off of anything important. You deny taking care of responsibiliteis cuz you just dont care about anything anymore. You run from place to place, from friend to friend, and you never stick around for very long cuz youre not about to be held down or controled. Then you run into an old friend. Your walls come crashing down except for the couple that you hold up with all the strength you have in you. You understand each other. You have fun together. Your bitterness and hatred melt, and you have a new best friend. Everything is going your way, and youve never been happier. the people in your life are the only ones that matter, and nothing else is important but having fun with the people you love. Youve convinced yourself that nothing bad could possibly happen and ruin what an amazing time youre having. Everything works in your favor. Your job is great. You feel healthy. Youre finally on the right track. Youre doing everything you want to do. Youre moving on from the old crap that hindered you in your past. Youre getting rid of drama and extra baggage. Youre living the life you dreamed of living. Everyday just gets better. Everyday, you are happier. Everyday you open up more, you trust more, you help more, you laugh more... then something hits you like a ton of bricks and even though you didnt lose everything, you feel like the one thing that was most important to you WAS everything. So nothing else matters. You wonder if it was ever meant for you to be happy, if everyone is ultimately just alike, if its impossible for you to have what you really want. You throw those walls back up. And the vicious cycle continues cuz you just dont know how to break it...

Wednesday, Matty, Nate, and I wanted to go see X Men III but I really needed my car fixed first, so we all got ready and watched Nate rewire the relay to the ignition. Normally, standing there watching wouldnt have been a big deal, but last night was a challenge. See, Mondays and Thursdays are trash days, so everyone put their garbage out Monday. But Monday was Memorial Day, so the trash in the entire neighborhood has sat there and rotted for days. Matty and I could have gone inside, I guess, but we figured if Nate had to sit out there and inhale it, we might as well suffer with him, being the good friends that we are... Just about when we had all we could take, my favorite person strolled by- the ice cream man with his ice cream cart! He walks around the neighborhood all day with this big wad of cash in his little Latino jeans, ringing the bell, and selling that ice cream! I wave at him when I see him, but this time, we wanted some! We walked down to the end of the block and saw the little ice cream man waaay down the street. We didnt think he could get so far that fast, but he must be used to power walking. Matty and I started out to track him down. So picture this: a long haired, long-hippie-skirted girl in flip flops, power walking with a guy with a rock hawk, Utica tshirt, rocker jeans, and a cigarette, also power walking. If you were one of the neighbors, what would you have done? Stared? Pointed and laughed? Called the neighborhood watch? That little man was still pretty far ahead of us, so we took off running after him. Got a visual? About 3 blocks later, we caught up with him and bought 3 drumsticks. They were too frozen to eat, but by the time we walked back to the house, they were pretty thawed. I didnt even finish mine- threw it out the window when I got my burrito at Bueno. :)

I remember when this room used to be clean.

 

My baby oil spilled all over my hair products; hence, the oily hair today.

 

I feel like such a vagabond these days.

 

"I cannot live- I cant breathe unless you do this with me."

 

The trucks new name- The Guzzler.

 

Yea, you did look like Abraham Lincoln.

 

I may not be strong, but I can break a cup and a straw before we even leave the drive thru.

 

Dont ever throw a piece of wood when theres a big scary looking black guy behind you who thinks you beat your girlfriend.

 

Mmkay, if youre not gonna be ready on time, Im gonna organize your shoes. Dust the living room. Do the dishes. Paint a murel.

 

And buy you a watch.

 

Chocolate milk?! I get one of those every time!

 

The Miracle Grow stuff you threw on the ground? ...very Napoleon of you

 

My brain is awake enough in the morning to know that the alarm is set 30 minutes ahead, so I can sleep 30 minutes longer.

 

Yea, that was what we call a temper tantrum.

 

I know all about those yellow and orange electric cap things.

 

Your OTHER right.

 

Car Toys. Target. Car Toys. Target.. Target.

 

Will I get kicked out of here for not wearing shoes?

 

Oh yea. the 12 voltage DC relay something. Got it.

 

Say, can I come with you?

 

Lets hook the radio up to the ignition, to the power windows, to the air conditioner, to the fan, to the turning signal to the step-on toggle switch down by the floorboard.

 

Lots of dentists around these parts.

 

Proactiv does not smell that bad

 

Tell Opie his mom has his baseball.

The smell of Lysol and vanilla candles dont mix.

Dowel rods mounted to a wall only hold so much.

Construction guys love Taco Bell and brunettes.

Insulation makes me sneeze.

Insulation makes a good bed for Binky.

Smoke coming from the steering wheel is NOT a good thing...

I HATE ants!

The sheets should be washed more often.

Boxes of tangled cords are useless.

Im a deep sleeper.

Vacuums do not pick up pennies, screws, or guitar strings.

But sometimes they pick up pieces of metal that they shouldnt, causing smoke like my steering wheel. :)

Paper towels are no good if they are growing mold.

All bathrooms need a vent.

It is necessary for guys to have an alarm on their phone, next to the bed, and across the room go off before they will get up.

Hot wings at the horse races suck.

If a man is not attached to your arm at the horse races, you are free game.

If you are without a beer at the horse races, you wil be taken care of by a drunk old man addicted to gambling.

Dont ever bet on horse number 8.

And dont ever bet on Marlboro... poor thing...

...Im still really pissed about my dowel rod breaking....

Pat doesnt get even- he gets ahead.

So dont ever splash him or he'll try to throw you overboard with a bucket of ice.

I stole Nates truck.

Im useless after midnight.

I love that my girls call when they need to talk.

New carpet is heavy.

If you sneak up and scare me when Im blowdrying my hair, expect to be hit in the face man!

The chairs on the porch are warped.

My roses actually bloom when theyre watered. (thanks Am)

...and my fish actually live when Amber feeds them. ;) (thanks again)

Evans Blue is pretty amazing.

If we plugged something in every outlit in this room, it would blow up.

Binky likes to take showers with me.

...effing dowel rod....